Dozing off in Doha
So, who drew any enjoyment from the England versus Brazil game on Saturday? Who fell asleep? Who had the blindingly obvious confirmed? Who thought that the ITV commentary and punditry was rubbish?
Don’t get me wrong, the match had its moments; Elano’s lofted through ball onto the head of Nilmar was exquisite. James Milner continued his progression as a footballer. Andy Townsend didn’t say too much. The Khalifa International Stadium in Doha looked rather nice. The weather was better than it was in Staines. But who cares?
Did anyone think England’s second string XI would provide fireworks and did anyone believe that players such as Jermaine Jenas would push Frank Lampard and Steven Gerrard? Even Jenas’ own mother must recognise that he doesn’t have a prayer of getting in the World Cup XI. Speaking of mothers’, Wes Brown’s must surely concede that her boy is, at best, a bit rubbish. His performance reminisced of the game that switched me off International friendly fixtures altogether. It was a cold evening at Villa Park and we were taking on Holland. The game, as far as I can remember, is only noteworthy because the Dutch wore a black and white anti-racism strip. I knew bad things were in store for us when Brown (how does he get a game for England or Manchester United?) was being partnered in the heart of our defence by Jamie Carragher. To compound my misery I was charged £40 for the ‘privilege’. For those in Doha, remove ‘Carragher’ and insert ‘Upson’. For those in their own living room, press the red button on your TV remote.
At least in Doha it was silent. We, the football watching public, were offered the ITV commentary and punditry team. England’s third string in television broadcasting terms. Only Channel Five offer worse. Steve Ryder I like. Clive Tyldesley I can put up with. Ian Wright possesses the vocabulary of a five year old. Marcel Desailly offers little. Fine player though he undoubtedly was, rubbish pundit he undoubtedly is. And then there’s Andy Townsend. I’ll say no more. At least it reconfirmed that at every possible juncture next summer I’ll be watching the World Cup on BBC. Whilst John Motson’s not what he used to be and Mark Lawrenson is infuriating, there is no risk of having to hear David Pleat’s voice.
I digress. The ‘football’ on Saturday was below par for a clash between two of the game’s heavyweights. There was none of the breath taking counter attacking that has become a hallmark of Brazil under Dunga in the last 18 months. The philosophy of ‘your corner is our attack’ wasn’t there. There were glimpses, but nothing whole hearted. Kaka oozed class, but was largely subdued. Rooney toiled, but even he is beginning to look a relaxed figure in friendly fixtures. The biggest disappointment, however, came from the bit part players. No one put their hand up and screamed ‘pick me, pick me, you have to!’ Gerrard, Lampard, Ferdinand, Terry, James, A. Cole, Johnson et al can sleep easy. Their seat on the plane to South Africa has been rubber-stamped by the ineptitude of their competition.
It’d be good to see England play Brazil in the knock-out stages of next year’s World Cup. Then we will see a game worth watching. I only hope that it’ll be on BBC.
Miles Reucroft
